Vibrant presences in the darkness

by ammophila

It seems we are gradually getting most of the earlier team together unfortunately. At least Manos is still in gaol, though to be fair he has always been good to have around when he was not working, which was most of the time.  Our former editor, still on the run (commercially speaking, and almost certainly from a police point of view too) has sent a wheedling e-mail but he will be sent back from the airport if he does arrive as I got one of my senior friends in we-all-know-where to doctor his file and have him marked as ‘economic migrant, probable anarchist’.  I also arranged purchase through a dark site on the web of a remotely controlled steel mantrap to be installed at the first hint of anyone trying to bring that terrifying dog back.  Can’t keep them all out, though.  This morning who came in but Simple Simon, for the first time in his life looking organised.  All definitely not his own work.  He was with a large French woman, whom, it appeared, he had adopted as his mother, although at probably about 30 she must be younger than him.  She didn’t say much, but I got the impression she’s a woman many an SAS man would prefer not to go into the jungle with.  She insisted with great force that we posted something Simon had allegedly run up ‘for my friend Nadine who has had an argument with little Nicky’ and I somehow found myself agreeing.  Ecce scriptum:

Côté politiquement correct, des mots pèsent beaucoup plus lourds que des actes, hélas.  Mais refléchissez-y bien.  Nadine, que fera-t-elle face a un réfugié crasseux, poli, vêtu en haillons, talentueux, musulman, honnête?  N’en doutez pas! Avec toute la force de sa belle âme française elle lui apportera tout le secours dont il a besoin!

They have just left, after drinking the entire assorted holdings of the office wine cellar (a cardboard box, labelled ‘this side up’ on all six surfaces).  Now perhaps the editor can get on with the posting. 

The Natural Body for Profit, a consultancy specialising in ‘gestural and kinesic aspects of corporate branding’ (surprisingly they have not yet heard from the Vice Squad, probably too busy with Operation Yew Tree) have turned out the final report on their multi-million pound three-year contract with the BBC. They state that ‘a vibrant presence in the gestural consciousness of the modern media-aware public is vital for the maintenance and development of corporation profitability’, and as the ‘vanguard’ of a wholesale ‘rebirth’ they have devised a ‘BBC salute’ for use on all social occasions.  This is to be adopted by supporters of the BBC (compulsory for employees and anyone applying for free-lance work) which will replace the handshake and will ‘permit and indeed encourage the mutual recognition of membership in a privileged cultural elite, thus enhancing further the global image leadership of the corporation’. The salute, which ‘must be accompanied by a broad smile’ and if practicable by the words ‘good to see you again’, will be a hand cupped behind the right ear.

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